


I Need to Know

by blankspaace



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff, This is, a mess, can be read romantically but its more about their deep relationship, honestly this was something quick i did for a creative writing class im sorry if its bad, i love petermj they're so cute, michelle already knows, mj just NEEDS to know, peter is a pussy, spiderman reveal, takes place between hoco and infinity war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-25
Updated: 2018-10-25
Packaged: 2019-08-07 07:25:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16403924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blankspaace/pseuds/blankspaace
Summary: mj and peter have a conversation at mr. delmar's that was way overdue.or that awkward scenario where mj knows, and peter knows that she knows, but he's in denial.





	I Need to Know

_ < I Need to Know > _

 

Peter looked both ways quickly before crossing the street and hurried along, almost running into a cyclist who made sure to tell him to go to hell. Pulling his backpack straps tighter, Peter breathed in and tried to calm himself. 

Ever since his run in with the Vulture last year, many foes had taken that as an invitation to gladly attack him. Attacks were weekly at the very least and often left Peter collapsing into his bed, school and home responsibilities left undone. Injuries were so common for him these days even people like Flash Thompson had noticed once or twice. 

Last night was a particularly bad run-in, and Peter tried his best to not limp in Mr. Delmar’s. Although the deli had recently moved around because of unforeseen circumstances with alien technology, the sandwiches still tasted as good as always and walking inside made Peter feel a little bit more at peace with the world. 

The second he walked in, Mr. Delmar greeted him. “Hey, Pete. How’s everything going?” asked Mr. Delmar, looking at Peter with a warm look on his face. 

“Pretty good,” said Peter, walking towards the counter to shake hands with Mr. Delmar. “How are the best sandwiches in Queens doing?”

Mr. Delmar’s face darkened for a few moments before he smiled again and shrugged. “Well, we’re still trying to lift ourselves off the ground, Peter. What with everything that’s happened since last year,” said Mr. Delmar, motioning his head towards the other side of the shop, that was clearly still under renovations. 

Peter tried his best to hide the pain in his eyes from Mr. Delmar so that the old man wouldn’t worry, but even then he couldn’t help but pull his hair a little. Peter could feel the guilt as it tried to eat away at his insides and his heart started beating faster again. “I’m sorry, Mr. Delmar.”

“Nonsense, Peter! You’ve helped so much with renovations. I still remember when you were this tiny kid who couldn’t lift anything and look at you now!” said Mr. Delmar, waving Peter off. 

It was in that moment when the news decided to report Spider-Man’s latest fight and its consequences. Mr. Delmar glared at the screen and said, “People can say whatever they want about that Spider kid, but he has caused more harm than good ever since he showed up here at Queens.”

Peter tried to laugh it off as best as he could, but inside his heart clenched because he knew that Mr. Delmar was right. “Yeah, what a troublemaker,” squeaked Peter, his voice sounding an octave higher than it normally did. 

“Who’s the troublemaker?” asked a curious voice from his left and Peter jumped in surprise, his knee complained at the sudden movement. He turned around quickly towards where MJ was standing next to him, tilting her head and squinting her eyes at him in a state of contempt. 

“Nothing!” screamed Peter, cringing when he heard how loud his voice was. 

“You okay, loser?” asked MJ, pushing her glasses up her nose. 

“Dandy,” insisted Peter, wanting to end his conversation with Mr. Delmar about Spider-Man before MJ could catch on to what they were talking about. 

“Hm,” hummed MJ, annoyance in her eyes. Turning to look at Mr. Delmar, she greeted him with a small smile. 

Without further instruction, Mr. Delmar appraised the two of them, and asked, “The usual?” 

Peter, still a bit out of it since he hadn’t been able to tell MJ was coming, and on edge because of the nature of their meeting today, didn’t answer. It seemed like all these days MJ was constantly taking him by surprise. 

MJ looked at Peter and answered for him, nodding, “Please.” Without waiting for him, MJ turned around and walked towards their usual booth. Peter was surprised it was empty on a Friday afternoon. It almost made him wonder if MJ had called ahead of time and had asked Mr. Delmar to save their booth for them, seeing as all the booths around it were occupied. 

Just like he had anticipated, the booth had a small piece of notepad with the word  _ reserved _ written on it with Mr. Delmar’s usual scrabble. Peter’s anxiety peaked because he was right — something  _ was _ up. 

Ever since homecoming, something had changed between Peter and MJ. Things were… different now. At first she still held her distance, but soon enough, she became more open with him. And Ned. 

Peter hadn’t really compartmentalized how close they were now until the day he realized that she sat down beside him and Ned everyday during lunch, went to every one of their movie nights, helped them build their extravagant LEGOs, and went with Peter to Mr. Delmar’s every Wednesday. Which happened to be the only day in the week that Peter gave up his Spider-Man duties after school, all in an attempt to get May to leave him alone with the whole not taking a break from being a vigilante issue; despite the fact that this proved pointless, seeing as Peter almost wouldn’t sleep on Wednesday’s, because what he would sacrifice in the afternoon, he would make up for at night. 

Now he realized that apart from Ned, she was his closest friend. And most importantly, Peter would give up everything for her. He would die for her. Which is why he hadn’t told her his biggest secret — that he was Spider-Man. 

And Peter had a small nag in the back of his head that would bother him every single time he saw her. Because he knew that every time he lied to her about why he was limping, or why he was in pain, he was breaking her trust. And despite the fact that Peter wished she wouldn’t be able to tell he was lying, she always could. She was just too smart. And her eyes would alway harden when he would tell her a lie and it would break his heart a little. 

Maybe something's happened. Maybe she finally knows. She must. There's literally no other reason why she would’ve called him on a Friday. She’s not dumb. But that’s what he’s scared of, really. That she knows everything, and that he won’t be able to protect her. 

They sat down and MJ asked, without pause, “What happened to your knee, Parker?”

Peter gulped, nervous at the interrogation. “Nothing,” he said, trying his best to sound normal. In retrospect, he had tried so hard to lower his voice that it had seemed unnatural. 

MJ squinted at him and turned to look out the window, clearly not amused with his answer. “Really…”

“Yeah,” said Peter, trying to control his breathing. Something below the table poked his leg lightly and Peter cringed in pain, contracting into himself. 

“Not hurting, huh,” mocked MJ. Peter looked down at the table between them and he felt the guilt start eating him up. It started climbing up his body until it reached his heart, which felt heavy. It killed him to do this — to lie to her. 

“What’d you do this time? Run into a post?” The sarcasm in her voice was heavy, and Peter shrugged. 

“I fell in PE class. You know me, always doing poorly in PE.”

“Right.” MJ looked at him for a few seconds, the two of them in silence. Peter tried his best to ignore her, yet he felt the weight of her gaze on him. “You do know that I  write down all the PE scores in coaches gradebook, right? And that means that I know exactly what you have in PE right now, Parker.”

Peter took in a deep breath and prepared to lie straight through his teeth. “You know I’ve always been the clumsy one.”

MJ pushed her hair behind her ears and Peter took in a deep breath. It was kind of hard to believe how mesmerizing she could be at times, even when she was catching on to his secret. MJ sighed and reached towards Peter, grabbing his hands. 

“You know you can tell my anything, right?”

“I know.”

“You know I’m just concerned, right?”

“I know.”

“You don’t lie to me, right?”

A pause. 

A breath, painful. 

“I don’t,” strained. 

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

MJ hummed and got up. For a second Peter feared that she was going to throw something at him, or worse, that she was gonna leave. But she simply went to the counter to pick up their sandwiches. While she was coming back she passed by the counter with a extra sauces and grabbed some honey mustard.

Peter raised his eyebrows, once again surprised with how well they knew each other. If she knew exactly how he liked to eat his sandwich -- extra of onions, smushed up real-flat, and with honey mustard -- why wouldn't she know his secret.

The streak of doubt that passed his mind started solidifying, and Peter tilted his head. For a second he let himself think of what would happen if his secret was out in the open with her. For one, he wouldn’t have to keep lying to her, and it might be easier to protect her, seeing as he would spend less time trying to hide his secret and more time trying to hide her. And sure, she would definitely help keep him out of trouble, seeing as Ned wasn't really good at that. 

But that’s precisely what Peter didn’t want. All at once, all the bad things that would happen if she knew crashed into his head. She would be in so much danger… and he couldn’t allow that to happen.

“Did you do the english essay, Peter?” asked MJ.

It immediately registered in his head that she had called him Peter. That… usually meant bad news of some sort -- or that she was softening up the blow for something. 

The first time she ever called him by his first name was the day after homecoming -- almost a year ago. He had run into her the morning after his facedown with The Vulture — right outside of Mr. Delmar’s old place, which had just recently been destroyed (because of him). 

That day — everything changed. 

She had invited him into her house, fed him, let him meet her cat — and then they talked. And she called him Peter. Not loser, not Parker — Peter. She didn’t bring up the fact that his face was scarred, or that he was limping, or that his shirt was stained with something that was most definitely blood. 

Despite everything, she never pried. And that’s something he found very intriguing of her. She didn’t pry, but she would listen, and she always tried her best to take care of him — despite the fact that Peter almost didn’t allow it. 

“Peter?” 

“Huh?” Answered Peter, realizing that he had no idea what she had asked him. “What?” 

MJ took a paper out of her backpack and showed it to Peter. It was the English essay. Damnit. 

Peter’s eyes widened and he gripped his backpack, reaching towards the front pocket where he normally kept his phone. He reached inside and found nothing. Cursing, he put his backpack on the table and frantically searched for it. “Goddamnit, May is going to kill me.”

MJ cleared her throat and held a metallic device up. “It was on the table, Parker.”

Peter’s mini heart attack stopped and he tried to calm his heart. It was okay. Nothing happened. He hadn’t screwed up — yet. 

“Why did you even think you had lost it? How would you have even lost it?” Asked MJ with a questioning look in her eyes. 

“Oh, you know Queens… it’s a dangerous place and all,” lied Peter straight through his teeth. 

“Mhm,” mumbled MJ, clearly displeased with his answer. “Anyways,” she said, straightening out the paper on the table. Peter looked at it and quickly read through its contents. It only had the essay prompts and some notes MJ had written down. “You see, I think this is a very interesting topic, Parker. Wanna know why?” asked MJ. 

“Why?” said Peter, not sure exactly where this was going. 

“There’s a very big emphasis on the importance of red and blue, Peter.” said MJ. 

There it was again — Peter. And — the red and the blue. Could it be? Did she know his secret?

Peter hummed and pushed his hair back. “Pretty colors, right?” 

“Mhm. You know I know, right?” asked MJ, clearly losing her patience. 

Peter felt his heart stop for a moment and he tried his best to control his breathing. This didn’t mean anything. “What?” he asked, his voice two octaves too high. 

Almost like everything was in slow motion, he felt a single drop of sweat slowly fall down his forehead. Peter made eye contact with MJ and every single scenario went through his head. She knew. She knew he was Spider-Man and this would change everything -- there’s no way she would be safe anymore.

She still hadn’t answered him, so he asked again. “Know what?” Peter choked out, clearing his throat afterwards. 

“You tell me, Parker. What do you  _ think _ I know? Because I know a lot of things.”

“I know you know a lot of things,” said Peter cautiously. 

“Then you know better than to treat me like an idiot, Parker.” Immediately after she said that, MJ stood up, grabbing her sandwich wrapping. 

Peter sat there, dumbfounded, for a few seconds before he realized what had just happened. (But what exactly had happened?) Peter stood up, grabbed his half-eaten sandwich and ran after MJ, barely having enough time to say bye to Mr. Delmar. 

When he was finally outside, Peter saw that MJ was about to cross the street.  “MJ!” Peter screamed, pushing past all the people around him in an attempt to reach her. 

Peter paused beside her, surprised that she had actually stopped. “MJ,” he whispered, quietly, for only them to hear. “Talk to me.”

But MJ was looking away from him and her arms were crossed. Peter realized she was heaving, and a pang of guilt hit him again because she was hurt -- and it was all his fault.

“MJ, I’m so sorry.” 

All of a sudden, she turned towards him, eyes shining with tears in the bright afternoon sun. “You don’t understand, do you, Parker?” MJ said aggressively. 

Peter gulped and he shook his head, confused. “MJ, everything I’ve done has been to protect you. You must know this.”

“I don’t want protection, Peter!” screamed MJ. A few people around them turned to look at them, worry clear in their eyes. Peter tried to grab onto MJ and pull her closer in an attempt to calm her down, but she just shook him off. 

“Then what do you want, MJ?” Asked Peter, suddenly angry. Why did no one understand? It was too dangerous for them to know. He did everything he could to protect the people around him and they would always react violently to him doing this. Tony, May, MJ… None of them understood. Peter didn’t deserve this!

MJ walked towards Peter and stood in front of him. She pulled him towards her from his backpack strands and whispered into his ear, “I want you to tell me you’re Spider-Man, Peter. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. For you to be honest with me.”

Peter felt the world around him start turning too fast. Everything was too loud, too bright, too near -- too much. He turned his head around, trying to focus on something — on anything — but everything was a blur. He blinked over and over again but nothing would focus — all he could focus on was his breathing. It was loud and it was harsh and Peter hadn’t felt this disoriented since he had been stuck under the rubble about a year ago. 

Peter felt — as simple as it sounded — like he was dying. 

She knew. MJ knew he was Spider-Man. She had found out about his biggest secret and she wasn’t safe anymore. 

Danger. She was in danger. Danger.

MJ was in danger. Because of him -- because of Spider-Man. Everyone around him was in danger and they were going to get hurt. They were all going to die because of him -- just like Uncle Ben.

Peter heard a sound that caught his attention and he found himself finally able to focus on something — on the girl in front of him.

MJ. Kind, smart, sarcastic, caring. MJ. Apart from Ned, his closest friend. Peter looked at her and he knew, in his heart, that he would give up everything for her. She deserved the world, and more.

But she was here, in front of him, and she was crying. Because of him. 

MJ turned away from Peter in attempt to hide her tears, and this was enough to make Peter snap out of it. It was almost like a switch had been turned off in his head and Peter suddenly realized that it didn't really matter. 

She knew. She had probably known from the beginning, and there’s nothing he could do about it. The only thing that was different now was that he knew that she knew. But this changed absolutely nothing. 

All Peter could do was make sure that she stayed safe -- that he protected her. 

So Peter grabbed the hand that was closest to him and pulled her towards him, turning her around. When she was finally looking at him, he looked at the tears in her eyes, and took a deep breath before he pulled her close. 

Peter wasn't sure how long they stood there, hugging, in the middle of a busy Queens street on a friday afternoon. But Peter knew that all that mattered was that she was here, safe, with him. 

After a while, Peter heard MJ whisper something in his ear. “I just… I just felt like you didn't tell me because you didn’t care, Peter.”

Peter pulled MJ even closer than he thought was possible and he whispered back, “I care for you more than you can imagine, MJ. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”

A few moments of comfortable silence passed and MJ’s breathing turned back to normal. And, almost like magic, Peter felt like he could breathe again. Because she was here, with him. And if she could breathe, then he could breathe too. 

His heart felt lightweight, his lungs felt infinite, his knee felt brand new, and his best friend was safe in his arms. And for the first time in a very long time, Peter felt like everything was right in the world. 

  
  


\- the end

**Author's Note:**

> like i said, this was a hot mess.


End file.
